Wednesday, February 28, 2018

February 28th, 2018

So Mike and I saw Annihilation four days ago and I'm still thinking about it. At first, my initial reaction right after the credits began to roll was, "Okay, that was a crazy-intense, all-round-good movie". But the more I've thought about it and all the specific aspects...I've slowly realized there's a much bigger sub-context to the film. And it absolutely shakes me to my core more than any of the creepy elements shown on the actual screen.

Now, keep in mind that obviously I don't actually know if what I'm about to explain to you is actually what the director of Annihilation was trying to subtly convey, but I for one certainly can't see any other way to look at it. Movies are not mystery boxes. There is no "answer" because art isn’t a game or a puzzle to be solved. It’s subjective, so it’s open to interpretation.

This should be obvious but I'll say it just in case: THERE ARE MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!

Annihilation is horrifying, but in a specific way. Just like last year’s mother!, this film exists largely as a metaphor—not literal terms. It’s meant to put you in the same dreamlike state of the characters, offering explanations for what’s happening...but also never announcing its themes as it tries to weave subtext into the text.

So what’s really happening in Annihilation? Well, I am completely convinced that it’s a movie about cancer.

No one in the movie says it’s about cancer, but it’s clear within the first fifteen minutes that the premise of Garland’s movie is basically: What if the Earth, the planet itself, got cancer? And then the movie moves forward completely around that premise. The "plot" may be about a biologist, Lena (Natalie Portman), who heads into The Shimmer (an unexplained phenomenon that is changing the area within) searching for answers along with four other female scientists. But it becomes clear that what this movie is about is cancer—and this idea is reinforced consistently throughout its duration.

It's made obvious right from the start in the opening scene, where Lena’s is giving a lecture at Johns Hopkins where she talks about cell division and how cells rapidly divide and mutate. We then cut back three years prior, when something struck a lighthouse in the Southern Reach. This entity consumed the lighthouse and then started expanding. The unexplained phenomenon is a great stand-in for how cancer strikes: Everything is normal...and then it’s not. In the place of the usual is something that’s mutating and, like The Shimmer, expanding. Yes, sure, we can talk about risk factors and causes...but there are also perfectly healthy people who still get cancer without any real reason at all. It’s not that cancer is inexplicable, but rather that our understanding of it is still evolving.

Once Lena and the team are inside the Shimmer, they immediately start noticing mutations. These mutations stand in for the cancer (the "tumor" at the heart of the Shimmer) affecting other cells. Garland is basically taking a biological phenomenon and staging something similar to Fantastic Voyage or that episode of the Magic School Bus where they venture inside a sickly Ralphie. Except, instead of the scientists shrinking down to go inside someone’s body, the "body" they’re investigating is the Earth. Everything in The Shimmer gets messed up because of mutations. And, as Radek (Tessa Thompson) later explains to the group, they’re basically inside of a prism. Meaning, everything is refracting—minds, bodies, everything. It all gets screwed up because, well, that’s exactly what cancer does to a healthy body.

But Garland presents this subtext in a very specific way. It’s not like in The Cloverfield Paradox, where anything can happen and nothing is explained (one dude ends up filled with worms while another dude has a severed arm that offers the team helpful messages, etc). Annihilation remains consistent. It is constantly showing mutations...but mutations as they would occur on a body. Garland wisely abstains from presenting everything as simply altogether gross or beautiful. There’s just this calculated indifference. Life grows and mutates. Sometimes you might see something beautiful, like the white, skeletal deer with branches for antlers. And sometimes you get ScreamBear, the bear mutation who eats your vocal cords and can replicate your dying moments with its own mouth.

Although Garland did loosely adapt Jeff VanderMeer’s novel, certain details bolster the cancer metaphor (which the book doesn't appear to preach as directly...or so I gather, seeing as I didn't read the book lol). For example: the expedition team is all women. From a plot perspective, this is explained by pointing out that previous teams were men and so this could change the results of the expedition. However, it’s also worth noting that the most common form of cancer is breast cancer which, you guessed it, largely affects women.

Additionally, even though all the characters are doctors of some kind, the only character actually referred to repeatedly as “Doctor” is Dr. Ventress (Jennifer Jason Leigh). I will admit that Thorensen (Gina Rodriguez) is kind of a gray area since she’s just an EMT, not a licensed doctor...but it's close enough so the point still stands. Although Ventress a psychologist by trade, her function in the story has little to do with actual psychology and more with seeing people go inside The Shimmer and not come out. Understand her role now? This isn't too different from an oncologist who loses a lot of patients to cancer. Tired of watching teams disappear to never return, Ventress decides to take matters into her own hands and head in herself, hoping to use the knowledge she's obtained from observing the previous teams to help her be successful. But, of course, knowledge is no defense against cancer...and Ventress's character literally has cancer in the movie.

Okay, so maybe you're following me so far. But you're also probably wondering how cancer relates to any of Lena’s flashbacks. Well, quite bluntly, Lena’s self-destruction creates a "cancer" in her marriage. Lena’s story is basically the heart of the movie. If you cut out her strained relationship with her husband, her guilt over cheating on him, and her desperation to find something that might be able to save him, then you have a movie that’s still fascinating, but also very very cold. There’s no emotional center to it because you just have five people walking through a cancer. Everything in the flashbacks is the humanity that’s tied to each individual who goes through cancer: our regrets, our hopes, our dreams. For Lena, her story is about trying to find redemption. That’s why when she talks about trying to rescue Kane (Oscar Isaac) she doesn’t say "I love him"—she says, "I owe him".

Image result for annihilationAs the movie goes on and our characters get closer to The Shimmer, we lose Sheppard (Tuva Novotny) and Thorensen. But Garland very wisely doesn’t make that surprising—he tells us right in the opening minutes that Lena's team doesn't make it, leaving us to wonder what exactly happened to Radek and Ventress. The ending for all four characters is basically death of some kind. Radek notes that Ventress "wants to face it", while Lena "wants to fight it". Though, in the end, she chooses to just accept it. This truly mimics the different ways people deal with their cancer—sometimes people go violently while others just slip away. There is not a single type of "death by cancer".


The reason why Annihilation doesn’t stand in for all deaths goes back to the imagery Garland hits us with throughout the movie. Everything in the movie metastasizes and changes. We get plenty of shots of cells diving. When we see the dead soldier in the swimming pool, his body has basically broken apart and expanded the way a cancer cell would destroy a healthy cell. The lighthouse itself has a growth highly reminiscent of a tumor. If Garland simply wanted to show "death" in all its forms he would have used different imagery, like blood or ashes. It’s also telling that Ventress, the only character who literally has cancer, goes through the literal definition of "annihilation" as it relates to physics: "the conversion of matter into energy, especially the mutual conversion of a particle and an antiparticle into electromagnetic radiation".

Alright, so why doesn’t the same thing that happens to Ventress happen to Lena? For the same reason cancer doesn’t kill everyone who gets it. When we see Lena face off with her alien mirror—wow, that is such a powerful visual representation for cancer. Cancer is both alien and it is in our own cells. It’s not an infection or a virus. It’s our own bodies turned against us, which is what happens to Lena in the lighthouse. The only way she’s able to destroy it is with a phosphorous grenade, which may as well stand in for chemotherapy. It’s a destructive force meant to snuff out the alien being that’s also a part of us.

In an interview I read, Garland said the movie is about "self-destruction". On a metaphysical level, Annihilation certainly has that. Ventress and Lena even have a conversation saying how self-destruction and suicide aren’t the same thing. But if you look at Annihilation as a movie about cancer, like I believe it is, then that self-destruction becomes, in a sense, literal. Cancer is a destruction of the self by biological means. And Annihilation certainly shows that self-destruction reflected in the environment. When we think "self-destruction", we usually think of someone trashing their home or doing something to harm themselves (like drinking heavily). In Annihilation, we see self-destruction on a biological level.

Image result for annihilationThe last scene of the movie is definitely the most cryptic. We see Kane, who has recovered, and Lena back together. She recognizes that this Kane is not her Kane, but likely the copy that was created inside the lighthouse. They’re both"“survivors", but he is permanently changed by his experience. When we see The Shimmer in both of their eyes, it’s a reminder that cancer is really never truly exterminated. Because truly, cancer is always kind of with you no matter what—even if you’re "cancer-free". It also ties back into the nature of their marriage, because the basis of it has mutated. They’re different people now. Even if you removed all the sci-fi stuff, and simply had a wife reuniting with her husband after cheating on him (and he knew about said infidelity, which is what caused him to leave in the first place), they would be forever changed. You can't just "forget" about something so major like that and just completely "move on". It is something that changes your marriage forever.

So, now for the question Mike asked me when I was explaining my analysis to him: Why not just make a movie literally about cancer? And also: why go so broad with the whole "self-destruction" thing? I think this is because we tend to get only one kind of cancer movie, which is about the individual cancer patient. And that makes sense, because it’s dramatic and its tear-jerking and relatable to many people who have seen friends and family stricken with the disease. But what makes Annihilation special is that it wants to confront the cold, uncaring horror of it all. ScreamBear isn’t just a horrifying creation that can rip you apart—he also stands in for the fear of how people will remember your dying moments. The fear that a cancer patient has: that they’ll be remembered not for who they were, but for their final moments of agony. Yes, there’s a sense of "self-destruction" in that one’s identity is destroyed...but it’s also a specific form of death.

That’s why when Lomax (Benedict Wong), the scientist debriefing Lena, says, "So it was alien" the line lands with such a thud. I for one sat there confused, for I had already begun putting the pieces of this cancer metaphor together throughout the film's progression. But then, wait, it literally was just aliens? Well...yes—on a literal level the whole thing is "aliens". But I believe that the term is so broad as to be rendered meaningless—Garland did not make a movie about extraterrestrials. He made a movie about us and the most alien horror many of us will confront in some way during our lifetimes.

So, that's my two cents. Of course, this isn’t the only way to read Annihilation—I've read a ton of reviews where some people felt it was about self-destruction alone, while others thought it was about marriage. My interpretation of Annihilation isn’t to shut out other interpretations, though I find that mine holds the most ground in a broad sense. But, truly the movie is in the eye of the one who perceives it. That's what makes it such a great sci-fi film—there’s not a single definite answer. It’s a movie that worms its way into your brain and will continue to haunt you long after The Shimmer fades.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

February 27th, 2018


♡ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ♡

❥ Love is getting out of bed at 3am, even though you have work in just a few short hours, to tend to your loved one...who is in tears because of an excruciating pain from an extremely inflamed throat.

❥ Love is letting them ugly cry into your shirt and not minding when it’s left messy and gross.

❥ Love is not being disgusted when they cough up mouthful after mouthful of gross, phlegmy spit.

❥ Love is trying to make them a doctor’s appointment for the following morning, despite a complicated, outdated scheduling website.

❥ Love is bringing them all kinds of goodies to help smooth the pain, from milk to cough drops to cold popsicles.

❥ Love is opening up all the windows even though it’s 35 degrees outside, just because they wanted to get some fresh air.

❥ Love is getting back up to close said windows again, because they inevitably couldn’t take the chill, and bundling them up in all kinds of blankets.

❥ Love is putting on their favorite movie to help them relax, and making them smile by quoting the opening monologue.

❥ Love is not making fun of them for their favorite stuffed animal, which is actually a dog toy they mistook for a reindeer stuffed animal at the store one day about three years ago.

❥ Love is holding their hand, brushing their hair, hugging them close, and promising everything will be okay.

❥ Love is putting your loved one’s needs above all else; it is never failing to prove that you really are such a blessing.

♡ Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. ♡

Monday, February 26, 2018

February 26th, 2018 *

We finally wrapped up our brand project in Packaging Design and took some professional photos of all the finished products! Take a look at the wine bottle, cocoa powder box, and coffee beans bag Mike and I each made:

(mine)

My brand was called TruTaste



Mike's brand was called FUEL

Be sure to let us know who's you like better! ;)

Sunday, February 25, 2018

February 25th, 2018



Today we made this super adorable sign to hang in our new home! :D It is actually massive in size. It was such a fun project! I love doing crafts with my sweetheart.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

February 24th, 2018


I was so excited to finally have found time in my overly busy schedule to fit in a day to go wedding dress shopping with my mom! What I never expected in a million years was that I’d find THE dress at the first shop we ended up going to this morning! 🤭 Everything about today was just so perfect. The lady who was helping me, Kathy, was an absolute sweetheart. She honestly went above and beyond to make sure I got exactly what I wanted. I am so thankful to have found such a personal shop that really just cares about their customers. Seeing myself in the mirror wearing MY wedding dress...it just makes it all so much more real! I cannot wait for November!! 😍👗💍

Thursday, February 22, 2018

February 22nd, 2018

 Happy 18th Birthday bud! ❤️🎂🎉🎊🎈


I hope you know that I am so proud of you every single day. You are such an amazing young man and you impress me all the time! Keep following your dreams and working hard at all you do. I am so thankful for such a sweet, fun-loving, smart, considerate, and determined brother. It’s been such a joy to watch you go from that lanky, punk kid brother of mine to a mature, respectable adult who goes above and beyond for his family. I am so proud of all the initiative you take around the house helping out, as well as your continued display of faith. I can’t wait to see what big things await you this coming year! Love you lots! 💋

Monday, February 19, 2018

February 19th, 2018

So tonight in our Packaging Design class we made 3D versions of our cocoa powder boxes! It was honestly so cool, because most times we always just create digital copies and never actually get to see them all mocked up. It was really fun getting to cut them out and assemble them tonight!



Mike's company is called "Fuel", while mine is called "TruTaste".



In addition, I found some time in class to finalize the design for my dad's new company: Blue Ghost Consultants! (I am helping my dad and his partner with their business by building their company website!) He absolutely loved the logo, and I too am super pleased with how it turned out. :)

Sunday, February 18, 2018

February 18th, 2018


“I wanna be where the people are...” 🧜🏼‍♀️🐠🦀💦

Saturday, February 17, 2018

February 17th, 2018


Team “Brendan Fraser” escaped from the Pharaoh’s Chamber with 17:13 to spare! 🧞‍♀️🦅🏺 It was so great having Zack home to celebrate Mitch’s birthday as a family a few days early! Looking forward to even more celebrations on Thursday! 💕

Friday, February 16, 2018

February 16th, 2018



Surprised my darling with some goodies today after a long day at work! He was SO thankful! :)


Later we headed over to my parents' house where I got to see my precious, sleepy puppy.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

February 15th, 2018

We bought a house!! 🏡


2018 started out with a busy bang, keeping the two of us very much on our toes. With birthdays galore, my busiest semester at school, work, and a wedding to plan, it seemed almost impossible to also toss in the idea of trying to find a new home before our apartment lease was up at the end of March. But, of course, God always has a plan. 😊 

Originally, I thought His plan for us involved a fixer upper that Mike and I found and really just fell in love with. But when things didn’t work out in the end and another family got the place, I was absolutely crushed. Because, hadn’t THAT house been the plan?? It’s often said that when we make our own plans, God laughs. Because, chances are, He has something bigger and better in mind for us. As it turned out, there was another home just ten minutes from the last that was everything we wanted but more. It had no messy projects to work on right away—it was just a beautiful home ready to be moved right into. 

I am so thankful to everyone who has helped Mike and I throughout our house hunting process. We are so excited to close on our new house (which will be in mid March!) and even more excited to move in and make it our own. ☺️🏡💞

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

February 14th, 2018

Happy Valentine's Day!! ❤️ / Happy Ash Wednesday!! ✝️


“Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.”
—1 Peter‬ ‭5:6

Boy am I feeling so incredibly humbled today! I am actually very glad Ash Wednesday fell on Valentine’s Day this year, because I am just full of so much love for our God and the amazing gift of life He so graciously bestowed upon us! We are all so so blessed to be given this beautiful world to live in—a world full of His truly amazing creations. He has given us life AND then He died for our sins on the cross!! How humbling to think that we are all walking miracles. The idea of life is so astonishing. Our days are limited on this Earth and we must not take any moment for granted—we should strive to spend every moment displaying Him in all we do. I felt overwhelmed with emotion tonight in church as we reflected on such thoughts. I found myself clutching my darling’s hands beside me several times, just so overcome with endearment and gratitude. God is good—God is SO good! ✝️🌿💖

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

February 13th, 2018


Hmm... Where are we this morning??? ;)

Monday, February 12, 2018

Sunday, February 11, 2018

February 11th, 2018


On the menu tonight: corn chowder! Talk about YUM!!

Saturday, February 10, 2018

February 10th, 2018



Feelin' cute today (for once) & lovin' my beautiful, sparkly ring (as always).

Friday, February 9, 2018

February 9th, 2018


Cheers to us & all the good things that have been happening lately!! 🥂💕

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

February 7th, 2018 (Pt 2)

Introducing: Virginia Maeve Noland 🍼


My cousin Meghan and her husband Jimmy gave birth to their very first baby today! Virginia is so beyond precious; I’m definitely looking forward to meeting my newest baby cousin real soon!

February 7th, 2018


So we had some downtown between house showings, so naturally while we waited for our realtor to arrive we had fun snapping silly selfies. :)

Saturday, February 3, 2018

February 3rd, 2018

Third day of birthday fun with the Donelson’s/Marsceau’s! 😄 A delicious dinner at Colonial Cafe, lovely presents, yummy cake, and wonderful company! 🎂❤️


 I am so thankful for all of my loved ones and the kindness they have shown me this past week! I truly am so very blessed to have you all in my life! 💖

Friday, February 2, 2018

February 2nd, 2018

And the birthday celebrations continued with my family tonight! 🎂


My mom made me a homemade cake this year!! She hasn’t done that in forever with how busy we are all nowadays. So so sweet and thoughtful! I love my family so much!! ☺️💖💖


After cake we headed to go do an escape room together! My fam so lovingly named our team after me. 🤗 We diffused Dr. Parson’s dark matter bomb and escaped from the “Mission Critical” room with 9:08 to spare!! 💣🔭🔬🔑


Following the thrilling escape, we had a nice dinner together at one of my favorite places: Cracker Barrel!


Snuggled up in my Toothless onesie & his Harry Potter robe watching a movie together = the perfect way to end my Friday night. ☺️💖

Thursday, February 1, 2018

February 1st, 2018



The last birthday gift from Mike arrived today!! He got me this AMAZING Toothless onsie! I saw it online months ago and literally have been wanting it ever since! He is so sweet. :) I absolutely adore it! It is so so cute and so so comfy!

January 31st, 2018

Happy 23rd birthday to me! It's my "Jordan Year"!! ;)


I woke up to dinosaur decorations, birthday flowers, a beautiful card, and an amazing dinosaur cake!! 😱🦕💚



Seriously—how amazing is this cake?!


My presents included a new addition to my Disney Pandora bracelet: Ariel! 🧜🏼‍♀️🐠🦀 Thank you to my wonderful fiancé! He seriously seriously spoils me to death! 😘 



We started our day off and headed to lunch at one of my favorite spots: Jam n' Jelly Cafe! I had a delicious meal, as you can clearly see. :)


Later, Mike and I headed to Escape Story in Lisle for an escape room! We escaped from “Area 51” with 10:27 left to spare!!! 🔐👽🛸 There’s a reason they call us the Dream Team! 😉



Here's our awesome victory photo. ;)



After that, we headed to Naperville for a lovely time strolling around downtown together. We ended up getting coffee at a cute cafe, as well as (of course) stopping in Barnes & Noble where my generous man got me the cutest wedding planning binder ever!


 Then! We headed to the movies to see The Post! 😊



We ended the night with cake. Yummy cake. Although, it wasn't fun having to cut into that cute dinosaur. :'(